I quite often write about Fibromyalgia and the impact it has on my life however, I am very aware this is for all chronic illnesses and feel similar things....
With chronic illness comes guilt; guilt that I am a burden or not achieving enough or I am not enough. However, I often have to remind myself that this is not my fault; I have quite literally no control over this,
It makes it so difficult and I believe I try and control everything else around me because I cannot control my illness or control my symptoms which absolutely sucks. I feel so dependent on people, right now, I am going through a huge flare and I cannot do the tasks I used to which I always put value on, because it meant I was able to care for myself like a person who lives independently is meant to do. How can I keep pushing the idea of this guilt and ableism on myself. I did not choose this, why do I feel inferior and guilty so much.
I am forever apologising or thanking someone for something, my mum always tells me not to apologise or thank her, she does not mind helping me out. Why do I always have an intense feeling of guilt though?! This is something that I believe is internalised or taught to us throughout our culture- Ableism. Individuals with disabilities appear to be minimised and thought their potential are lessened. I think I still struggle to see myself as having a disability which is why when I then realise I cannot do everything, I am almost setting myself to fail because I cannot do everything that I once was able to.
Our needs or feelings are no different to those who have no disabilities. We are still the same people we were before our diagnosis and before we started having symptoms.
After the guilt sets in or if I can get there before it sets in, I need to remember that I am still the same person who I hope could be described as loveable and happy!
Please have compassion and be kind to yourself. You are still that amazing person who your partner fell in love with or your parents have seen grow up and fulfil their wishes and dreams for you (which mainly are that you are happy) or the friends you have known and know you as kind, caring, trusting and beautiful!!
Take Care and stay safe.
Urban Dictionary: “Ableism is the discrimination or prejudice against people who have disabilities. Ableism can take the form of ideas and assumptions, stereotypes, attitudes and practices, physical barriers in the environment, or larger scale oppression. It is oftentimes unintentional and most people are completely unaware of the impact of their words or actions.”