Hello all, I hope you are okay and the week is treating you well.
This past week has been pretty difficult and my sleep has been appalling. I am just living for better weeks and days which feels absurd. I do not want to live to work but rather work to live. I often think of what I have not managed to do....
Whilst I do not like the monotonous drain of the day to day, and the way it makes me feel. I am so lucky to be able to continue working however it feels at detriment to everything else and therefore at the end of a week, I do not feel I can do anything else.
Therefore, when I am able to get out; it feels amazing, even if it means I have only been able to walk around B and Q (DIY and hardware store)! Even if that was my win (a pretty big win), it still feels pretty good. I like picking out my kitchen which is a positive however it is not the only thing I want to be doing with my time or at the weekends!
I work as a Social Worker so I am incredibly privileged to do the work that I do and the families that I support. As much as I love my work, it is at detriment to my health. I am constantly asking which do I prioritise. I know that if I do not look after myself, I am unable to do the work that I need to. I also know if I do not work, I am unable to provide for myself. Which do I prioritise?
Therefore, I celebrate the little things which remind myself that I am still human! They remind me that this is not forever. They remind me that I have had good periods and hopefully they will come again.
The majority of this weekend has been spent napping, following my walk around B and Q. I had also managed a shower that felt a win, I did not wash my hair (that felt too big a task) but I showered. It helped me feel human. I often think back to my work and I often celebrate the small things with my families and the small things that children have been able to accomplish, we have so much enthusiasm and kindness for them; why do we not do this for ourselves. Why do we then belittle what we have managed to achieve? We say well we did not clean the house? or put a load of washing on? We should celebrate what we have managed to do.
Following my diagnosis, I have struggled to remember or understand that I cannot do everything I once could! I used to think I could do everything in a day. Now I can still do everything however I have to be kind and have it spread over some days and maybe just maybe, I need to ask for a little help.
Celebrate the things you have been able to do. Be kind to yourself.